Expectations and Intentions

If you had asked us where we were would be now back in March, we probably would have said, "Jerusalem, or somewhere overseas."  If you would have asked us where we thought we would be back in June, we probably would have answered,  "Milwaukee."

Well, here we are. October. And we are now back living in my hometown of Rhinelander, in Northern Wisconsin. I can't help by laugh a little and then cry a little.

We went over to Jerusalem with big expectations. And we thought we were justified in doing so because we saw God so abundantly provide for our going. I still know that we didn't go there for no reason, and I do believe that God was at work in our journey. However, we are still working to see the purpose in it all. We came back feeling pretty down trodden and discouraged, almost feeling as though we had failed: our friends and family who had sent us, God and ourselves. Yes, opportunities did come up but nothing seemed right, right then. 

In June we returned planning to resettle in Milwaukee, reconnect with our community and find new ways to serve our city. But as we returned and spent some time back in Milwaukee we started to feel like we were falling back into our same routines, or would have to, and that is what we had worked to break out of. So after spending some time up north with my family and friends, we started talking about the possibility of moving up here. It was something we had always talked about but didn't think would happen for some time. But we decided if there were a time to try something new, this was it. So we did it. We packed our stuff up, found a place to rent, and moved north. 

It still seems a little crazy to us that we live here. But I feel at this point that we have come here as kind of a retreat. A quiet, peaceful place for us to figure out what we did, what we are doing and what we are going to do. Something that Jared requested after we returned was that we, for some amount of time, try to just be content somewhere and not talk about what is next. Something I, admittedly, am not good at. I want to dream and talk about the future, what we can do, where we can go...and that is a burden to Jared. So when we came North, I committed to not bringing up the future and just being content where we are. And for the first time in a long time, I am. 

There are certainly days that I want to daydream of where to go next, but for the most part I am happy being here now. If nothing else, maybe from our trip I learned the difference between expectations and intentions. Not that God is not mighty and all powerful, but He doesn't do what we want or even what we think we need, because He knows better. We expected Him to do something big. Open a big door that would have been blatantly clear that that was the way to go. But He simply showed us a few possibilities and said, "Here  you go, you choose." 

Moving up here, I decided that we needed to have intentions, rather than expectations. Nothing is going to be handed to us, we have to decide we are going to do something for the Lord and He will bless it (or He will close a door!) So in coming up here, we have been trying to be intentional. Not only with the way we are living, but in how we are serving. We have started a small group here for people our age, which is a severely overlooked demographic in this area. We are modeling it after the group that we were part of, and loved, in Milwaukee. It has been small so far, but we just want to create a place for people our age to come and pray and worship together and learn to love and serve Jesus together. 

I am also feeling like this is almost a time of rest and retreat. I don't know why we deserve it or need it. But being here in this place has made it easier to relax a little and be content where we are. Maybe it is just the fresh air and lack of traffic! We haven't given up on our dreams of far away lands, but for right now it just feels really good to be home!

If you think of us, please pray for our small group. That people would come, and that we could make a space for people to meet with the Lord and develop a stronger understanding and relationship with Him. Please also pray for the land and the people we came to love in Jerusalem. Pray for peace. And, praise Him. For He is good! And He seriously loves you!

Also, if you are looking for an amazing song: